I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
