If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
