at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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