dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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