thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
