Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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