I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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