We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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