I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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