just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
