Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
