he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
