dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
