The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
