took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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