one two three fourrrrnication!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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