it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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