do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
