OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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