The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
