so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
