After last night, I could never be a politician.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
