i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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