i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
