They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
