Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
