i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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