we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
