This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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