Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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