I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As shirtless as possible
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
