Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize