In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
