i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
