so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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