i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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