I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
