a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
