It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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