As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
