They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
