i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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