Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
