She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize