"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
