I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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