party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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