i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had to cum in my sink.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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