I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
only if we run a train.
done.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
