I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
