where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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