Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
