We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
