if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
