Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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