So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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