Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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