i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
