I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
