I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
