My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize