It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
