my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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