happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
