u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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