in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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