I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
