There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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