I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
