I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
