chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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