margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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