rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize